Shhh … its Sunday
Guilty as charged …
Since returning from Brazil last summer and dealing with some personal struggles; I have conducted my life as best I could. Anyone, who knows about depression; there is conducting: as in conducting an unruly crowd on a bus, there is conducting an orchestra of musicians all with one eye on the baton and then there’s the herd of cats!
So while not making light of depression or those suffering from other horrible conditions; from one day to the next I’m not sure where I am in the realm of ‘herding cats’, and being home having more time to consider may or not help. Like I said, at best I have coped and life goes on. However, during that time I have been ‘altering’ a book; now as library assistant such an act is a hanging offence; so it something I haven’t spoken too much about. Also, in the light of the above mentioned muddled condition it doesn’t always have attractive results … or those that can be shared. So while time has gone on; pages remain unfinished and others dark and melancholic; I delight in some light and shapes that simply need a hymn of progress …
a quince tree …
I have a beautiful garden; I can see it from my kitchen window. I never tire of it; like my fourth child; I love her unconditionally. Without melodrama she has shared my ups and downs over the past 30 or so years. I will enjoy spending more time with her; giving her some TLC. As a token of this new happening: I am going to plant a quince ‘seed.’ I bought the tree last year it bore one fruit; it was beautiful I didn’t want to eat it (even if I knew how) so it stayed on my window ledge where I watched it daily until it began completely dried and wizened; while it doesn’t have its youth bloom it does a warm and nutty look (do you get the picture?) The tree is in bloom as we speak and I hope it will bear fruit later in the year. So the process will begin again; this time I will eat the fruit if I dare.
Meanwhile, and for today me struggling 3 days into retirement to cope with ‘lack of structure.’ I will make wishes for those warm nutty folk and the planting of seeds.
Some you loose …
For the last few months and for some years to come the university library is undergoing some major renovations. Lots of furniture and fittings have been removed along with staff to another building while the work is undertaken. Some items are no longer required have have been put in skips. I have salvaged some bits for my studio. However, I am pretty much out of space now, but I am looking for a nipping press which is not so important, but it might be nice to have. A another little table found its way home on Friday that would be just perfect …
For my sewing machine! I usually do my sewing on the dining room table; not always ideal, especially at supper time.
So now I am in a bit of a fix; space and table gone in one fell swoop.
sweet perfume on Sunday
on my bike … to meet the world
Today, I begin a new era; yesterday I retired. While, have been drawing my state old pension for several years; I was reluctant to leave the comfort … of the devil I had known for 50 years. While it was a bittersweet experience most of the time, the last 16 years has been the best! I have enjoyed working in an academic environment after getting my Classics degree; the work in the library was varied and interesting; it was amazing; even with all my ‘issues’ and there were a few (sounds a bit like a Frank Sinatra song) I have been supported and well cared for. I will miss the work and the comradeship.
But, needs must and a studio and garden awaits, there are places to visit and while I have the energy and ability there is a world to see!
So today’s post is brief and allows me to thank those I omitted from my farewell ‘speech’ yesterday. Those who dragged me screaming and shouting back to sanity … with wise words, hugs, advice, tools, tea and brotherly and sisterly advice.
To mark this day; a gift yesterday… made in the style of my red tea pot featured in my book ‘published’ last year … this tea caddie will have pride of place … among my teas. Thank you and good wishes to all those who are celebrating the rest there lives … even in austere circumstances …
quiet …
Stage fright …
Life in the realm of nelabligh has been mixed for the last few months; just the normal ups and downs; not helped by the recent political unrest. During, this time I have given notice and plan to retire from the library in a few weeks. This, is of course is among the ups and I am very excited; I have been planning this for a couple of years and my art studio is ready and waiting. However, as the time gets closer the feeling of dread at times has become overwhelming. The reasons for this is unclear and is not helped by the fact that I have also become afraid of performing or being an artist. This is a real shame as it was and remains a dream and I enjoy the practice, the play the experimentation, I am good at it. I have a fine portfolio and wonderful back catalogue; I just fear the performance, the exhibitions, the framing, the finishing and the show!
I do suffer from depression, so these fears are not unknown; but this time I am at a loss as to overcome them , taking the line of least resistance is not an option … I have come a long way and like I say, the studio waits but I am afraid … as my friends and colleagues are preparing for the summer shows and I am having panic attacks and making bookmarks … They are lovely and been a good opportunity to practice setting type; but not going to rock any boats.
Quiet and tiny in the garden on Sunday …
Quiet on Sunday ….
Coat Hanger Doll's House 