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It is what it is …

January 8, 2023

While I have busy since I graduated in 2021, I haven’t been able commit to anything in particular. I enjoyed build up ant the focus of my studies and the anticipation of a new beginning after it finished. Like I said, I have kept busy in the studio, at home an in my garden but it all seems pointless, and I lacked purpose.  I kept making dolls and films and even joined some local groups, but I was uninspired and seemingly stagnant. Winter arrived followed by Christmas and with my mood so low, I was dreading the New Year unless I had a change of outlook. Friends and family became concerned and even suggested medication and therapy. I wasn’t convinced. Wasn’t I doing enough to be happy? I am creative, enjoy playing and listening to music, I take regular long walks, I eat and sleep well etc. Why should I be depressed. I have a kind supportive family.

 I have suffered from depression for decades I have undertaken years of medication and therapy I can and do manage it well.  However, this time it all feels so much more difficult to find a stable path. They say, ‘I’m not alone’ and its true the world is depressed. Everyone is trying their best to balance not to be ‘happy’ or even not ‘sad’ just to keep on a path of kindness … but it isn’t easy.  It is Sunday morning (or it was when I began writing this) I got out my toolbox of ‘good’ intensions again! Being grateful, forgiving myself for doubt and any other misdemeanours that got me into this dark place. I sit gazing and accepting that for a while this is how it is!

Just a wet and windy Sunday morning and we need rain. 

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