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The need to reconcile …

April 8, 2018

During bouts of depression, I do carry on working; although being creative doesn’t mean the pain will go away.  The voices however, can make me go one of two ways, sometimes they nag others dangle the carrot; but one thing is for sure I do finish the work. Manic or depressed I cannot leave a conversation mid-stream.

For instance, when I began a recent embroidery; a mammoth piece that took weeks work and endless chit-chat; was not made easier, because I had only a memory and a one photograph.  I spent hours visualising the river with photo in hand; crouched and on tippy-toe to get the right view. So, the bickering began, ‘should I have done it this way or that?’ Then a friend came in to play (in my mind) an architect and very fine water-colourist; who prided himself on his utmost accuracy. Pointing out all the wrongness.

I stressed over my piece; lovely as it was even without the notorious cable car it still didn’t resemble the Isle of Dogs.

I did finish the work, but needed to reconcile my conversation that continued to bubble up; not the most wretched of conversations;  but needed to be put bed.

Then it came to me … the view is not that of the north of the river but the reflection of those on the south bank in the glass buildings on the north bank.

There is no answer to that for a while anyway.

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