Monday … and the light … let it flicker
Late last year I injured my back and while recovering, for several months I found respite from the pain lying flat and reading. A lot, and it seemed to the detriment of my blog and regular posting, also my artwork. For a while, I was angry, about the situation notwithstanding the pain but an uncomfortable imbalance it seemed. However, since I have recovered and remain watchful of my lower back, I have found ways to continue reading, resting and working at the University and also my creativity.
So while the balance is visible and seen as a vital requirement, it is not a working practice.
I don’t think in the real world it will ever be the norm; and for some weeks it has become a niggle and almost a problem. The light at the end of the tunnel remained tantalisingly; at the end of the tunnel.
However, I am coming to the point; I have been reading a book called Bartleby & Co., by Enrique Vila-Matas it is comforting and gives me hope. Not that I will reach the end of the tunnel, more that I am not alone, and it is OK to be happy, not actually finding my way and not completing anything in particular.
The protagonist in the novel, Marcelo, is named after a character in a short story by Herman Melville, who, when asked to do anything would reply ‘I would prefer not to.’ Marcello did write a novel, but never did write another, instead he kept a diary as he searched through literature to find others who had famously not written a novel.
So while I do not come near to being a novelist or an noted artist, I do have dreams that I might become ‘able’ or reach the end of the tunnel. So while I keep trying; one more painting, print, or blog post, my note books, sketch books and journals get fatter; I think ‘just let the light flicker’ I am in no rush … I don’t say ‘no’ just ‘in my own time’.