Monday and the un-sorrow

Depression is cruel.  Even those who suffer from it are taken by surprise but its insidious ways to chuck us into disrepair.  So it it more difficult for those we love and love us who don’t understand our confusion and therefore help us.  

For instance as I prepare for my trip to Brazil, I should ‘be happy’ and of course I am. I have be preparing for months.  I have enjoyed it and have no regrets; my trip will be wonderful.  

But this morning I have woken; sad, anxious and hopeless, wondering ‘ what next?’ and ‘Where am I going?  All the emotions and pointless questions that sap my energy and waste time … I weep and grieve about my lost hair.

But then as I consider not writing a post … to grissle once more about the ‘What ifs? and ‘the has been’

I notice a little fan …. waiting to be packed.  A present from a friend bought on a recent trip; she thought it would be nice for me to take to Brazil … I hadn’t looked at it closely … until now it really is quite beautiful!