Saturday … what will it bring? … an angel I am sure!

These last two weeks have been the saddest and most difficult of my life.  This, mixed with the recent loss of my mum has made me feel pretty wretched.  My relationship with my mother was complicated; ricocheting from love and hate; not lingering long in the comfortable place in between.  So when she died or as reconciliation became less likely, I found myself with many unanswered questions and unhealed wounds and painful scars.  

Then, closely followed by my daughters accident I am feeling vulnerable and shaken.  My relationship with my daughters and son is stable and uncomplicated; nonetheless it is distant and precarious at times.  While we remain open and honest, we are not,of course always prepared for accidents.  Over the years, we have fallen out of trees, walls, climbing frames, crashed into cars on bikes, even fallen painfully out of love, we have healed each other directly or indirectly. Mothering each other we have recovered.  

This accident more serious perhaps, certainly life threatening has left me feeling powerless and afraid for the future.

Prior to this life was looking favourable I was being successfully creative and I had some opportunities to show some more work.  But now while I go through the motions it seems my passion has died.  

Yesterday it was my birthday; a significant day; in the words of the Beatles’s  song I did feel loved at 64. I had lots of good wishes and gifts; one or two in particular will be a reminder that I am surrounded with angels of the human kind …