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Last week I …

November 5, 2012

Last week I enrolled on a Writing and Spiritual Practice Ecourse.

I have never done such a thing before. I have attended various Creative Writing Courses at Night School; so I will  look forward to learning at a distance,  However the Spiritual Practice bit   might be a little challenging and I am beginning to wish I had used my helpful pseudonym as a shield from the real world.
The reading materials have came and I have spent sometime over the weekend reading and writing.
We were sent an Essay on Faith and asked to use it as springboard for our daily writing practice for the first week of a four week course.
The essay began with a quote by Julia Cameron ‘Leap, and a net will appear’  and its relationship to faith … so I picked up my pen and wrote :-

I am not familiar with this saying; but I have heard the expression ‘ As one door closes so another opens’ ; I cringe every time I hear it; for a couple of reasons, but in particular, it is usually said (in my opinion) by someone who doesn’t know what they are  talking about; someone outside the situation without compassion or wisdom, just a throwaway remark to justify the result.
Also this adage can only be said with any conviction after the event.  Indeed on some occasions the saying appears to be true. Should I have faith in that? I prefer to look at the good result as some sort of magic.(Is that faith?)
However, when one is in the middle of the despair, there does not seem to be a door; let alone for it to open.  Also from my experience the door when it becomes visible only opens with a huge amount of effort; I muster up the last bit of energy and fall through the door only to find I have come on the wrong day.
(Does the energy come from faith?)
I have come to a place in my life; and it feels like  mighty plateau with rich resources, vast experience, even a so called faith (I have taken refuge in a Buddhist community) I have a good job, home, family and friends.  What more could I ask for?
I stand worthless, my life, props and responsibilities are redundant. Where do I leap to?
In the essay the narrator suggests that we act as if someone or something is looking after us. What if we do not have this faith? Maybe after years of let downs and scrambling back up has left us without energy or faith do go on and make that leap.

This all sound like I am dull, dreary and self-centred and of course I am sometimes.  There are times and increasingly so when I am upbeat and fun.  Mostly I can laugh at myself and the ridiculous things I get bogged down with.
There is phrase I say to my daughter (I don’t know where I heard it) ‘don’t ride a foolish donkey with another foolish donkey’ Just let go! I should remind myself of it!

I was not going to share this with my readers; just in case you thought  I might become ‘born again good person who writes poems; and that won’t do.

Oh I nearly forgot!

Poem at beginning of exercise

Smooth worn
in winter rain
summer sun
waits in prickly place.

Then after exercise and 1 hour of yoga!

Warm heart
swirling energy
plane banks to land at Heathrow.

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