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Remembering the child within …

July 9, 2012

As a child I was quiet and shy.  I loved to draw, paint and read.  I enjoyed my own company.  A striking contrast to my two little sisters who vied for attention and usually got it.   I remember when I did withdraw to ‘do’ my dad would say that I was ‘contemplating my navel’ I of course did not understand this expression and I suspect neither did he.  It was one of his very gentle jokes that ‘rocked me into a false sense of security’  another cliche banded now but it did apply then.  I was happy to ‘do’ and ‘be’ while the little ones misbehaved.
So I grew up and life with the necessary ‘knee jerk’ threw me into college, work, marriage and motherhood.   A bittersweet existence without the time or the inclination to ‘be’ alone with oneself for any length of time.  Until 39 years later when the my last child had flown the nest. When I found the person I had become was not only complex and muddled; she was not so attractive to be with!! Those almost forty years had thrown a lot of stuff at that little girl;  not all good.  Thankfully, none was life threatening and much is repairable.
It has taken a while to unravel the complexities; it has been necessary to really contemplate my navel again. Now, I now know what my dear dad meant although my methods are now structured; using meditation, yoga and some of the other techniques are not much different from all those years ago. Now I find myself more at peace with myself and enjoying the pastimes I had as a child.  I discovered that with my life experience that seemed at the time so harsh.  Has prepared me for a very pleasant and fulfilled time; that seemed to be so ghastly this time last year!
I hope my dad has found peace too.

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