Around the corner …

This work by Sally Castle is in a frame on the wall at the top of my stairs and a constant reminder that life is in a state of flux and we never know what or who  is round the corner …

In my many years of mental illness, this recent malady bore no surprises. In this time, I have learned that alongside adequate and well administered prescribed medication, placebos do have an effect some more than others. Sometimes a doctor merely saying ‘I understand here is a prescription’ brings a glimmer of hope. Words or a kind implication can go a long way to soothe a trouble mind, clearly this not always true, long lasting or a cure. I am talking about mental ill health and from one who knows, a wrong word, whether kind or not, at the wrong time can have an adverse effect on a person in a heightened anxious place. This latest phase of 6 months I have been down to dark places where life was not worth living. Restraint from self-harm and medication was required I was reluctant and angry and there were ugly scenes in the doctors waiting room, and pharmacy. I was warned two or three times about my inappropriate behaviour. There was no chance that I would listen to kind words or good advice. I was not prepared to wait in line for a long-awaited appointment or understand that the wrong medication would be corrected. I was a 6 year old self-centred girl stamping her feet and spouting profanity, that is not a pretty sight.

Being in a position to look back to this now after a few weeks of medication and a recent assessment and a promise of some further consultation and with an element of humour I think I am out of this black hole and somewhat strengthened. Not cured that will not happen I am a perfectly sensible woman of age but from time to time that abused, neglected, and lonely 6-year-old girl puts her hand up and asks for some kind attention if I ignore her then there will be tears before bed time.